Wherever You Go, Whatever You Do

Wherever you go, whatever you do
Oh please, remember that I’ll always be there for you
You don’t have to call, you don’t have to say
Just think about me and I’ll be on my way
I don’t have to worry, I’m sure you’ll be fine
Cuz if you stay happy, then what’s your’s is mine
Wherever you go, whatever you do
Remember that I’ll always be there for you
(Oh Baby)

Wherever you are, think of your dreams
Oh please, remember life ain’t always what it seems
For each rainy day (rainy day)
That comes your way
The sun will come shining and you’ll be okay
Keep on smiling - every girl and boy
Remember when you were children you had toys
Wherever you are, think of your dreams
Remember that dreams become the life you lead

Whatever you play, it’s okay to lose
Ooh sometimes (sometimes...)
As long as you learn from every game you choose
If one thing is sure, you’ll always endure
If you try your best at everything you do
Say what you mean and mean what you say
The price for a broken heart - it‘s too much to pay
And nothing is worth it, if you don’t have to try
The higher the stakes - the higher the sky

Wherever you go, whatever you do
Please remember
Remember that I’ll always be there for you

- Prince

Hiding who God made you

God does not make mistakes

God does not make mistakes

Manna from heaven

Locust in Greek is akris and manna is ekris.

The captain and the camel

The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert, in Iraq. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.

He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there.

Well, sir," is the reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have ... urges. That's why we have the camel, sir.

"The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay."

About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges, and asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.

Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has sex with the camel.

When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"

No sir," the First Sergeant replies. "They usually just ride the camel into town."

95% misbehaving

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all the misbehavior that was going on.

He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. When the Angel returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth: 95% are misbehaving and 5% are not."

God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion." So God called another angel and sent him to Earth to confirm the findings.

When the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, the Earth is in decline; 95% are
misbehaving and 5% are being good."

God was not pleased. So God decided to e-mail the 5% that were good because he wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what that e-mail said?

No?

I didn't get one either.

The Devil and G.W.B.

George W. Bush has a heart attack, dies and goes to hell. The Devil informs him,

You're on my list, but I don't have room for you." He also notices the beginning of a smirk on George's face which quickly disappears when the Devil says: "I can't send you back...I'll tell you what I am going to do. There are three people here who weren't quite as bad as you so, I will let one of them go and you can take that person's place. I'll even let you decide who leaves."
George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The Devil opened the first door to reveal Richard Nixon diving into a large pool of water, surfacing, getting out of the pool and then diving in again over and over and over - such was his fate in hell. "No," said George "I don't think so, because I'm not a very good swimmer and I couldn't be doing that day in and day out."

The Devil took him to the next door which, when opened, revealed Lyndon B. Johnson with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. His fate was to swing the hammer and break the rocks for the rest of time. "No," said George, "I've got this problem with my shoulder and I would be in constant agony if I had to break rocks all day".

The Devil opened the third door and George saw Bill Clinton lying naked on a bed with his arms and legs spread eagled and tied to the bedposts. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George stared at this in disbelief and finally said, "Yeah, I think I could put up with this."
The Devil smiled and said...

"Monica, you are free to go!"

An easy $500

A woman was walking down the street when she was approached by a man.

The man said, "I must have you right now! I'll drop 500 dollars on the ground at your feet and in the time it takes for you to pick it up I can have my way with you from behind!" The woman thought it over and told the man to wait a minute. She called her girlfriend on her cell phone and told her about the man's proposition. Her girlfriend said "When he drops the $500 on the ground I'm sure you can pick it up and run before he gets his pants down. Call me back and tell me what
happened." An hour and a half later the lady called her girlfriend back.

"What happened?" the girlfriend asked.

The lady said, "That M.F. had $500 in quarters!"

Baby skunk

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car.

There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.

It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death, can we take it with us and get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"

He says, "O.K., get in the car with it".

"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"

He says, "Put it in between your legs, it's nice and warm there."

"…but what about the smell?"

"Just hold its nose"

No speaka de English

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on.

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed, sex-obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country....we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives."

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abou ta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell Mississippi."